So, as Waterloo Road draws painfully slowly to be a close, there's just time for me to type "seems like a bit of a tosser" so that I can copy it ready to Ctrl-V every time I see someone new and we're nearly ready to begin!
9.00: And we're off! We start with the usual vox pop clips, including someone telling us she's "a rough tough cream puff from New York". Are cream puffs noted for toughness?
9.01: S'ralan get his intro. They don't tell us how much he's worth any more. Credit crunch sensibilities there.
9.04: Into the boardroom for the first time for the "Fame costs..." moments. Plenty of sycophantic laughter at Sir's jokes.
9.07: It's a cleaning things task, girls V boys as ever.
9.08: Some stilted small talk in the cars. Including "I'm field based." "You work in a field?"
9.10 Team name discussions. I've taken an early dislike to the American, who is Kimberly. One of the blokes suggests "Empire" as it's a suitably British name. Hmm. Meanwhile, Howard is the boys' project leader, nobody wants to be the girls'. Mona gets it by default. That name could come in handy.
9.13 They went with Empire. I think the girls have called themselves Ignite. Rubbish names.
9.14 Philip's a geordie estate agent. I don't like him. There's a theme starting here.
9.16 Mona suggests the girls have used their budget wisely. Nick looks unsure. And says something about the girls getting a spanking in the boardroom. Steady on.
9.18 The boys are cleaning cars. One of them describes the hosepipe as being "like a sudoku or something".
9.20 The girls arrive to try and get a contract to clean 3 cars. They quote £100 each, and accuse the man they're negotiating with of lying when he says their normal supplier charges them £20 a car. Smooth business skills. Meanwhile, the other half of the team have got a deal to do some washing, but then can't work the pressure washer.
9.22 Half the boys are shining shoes in St Pancras, and actually making some cash. The other half are doing a half-arsed job of some car cleaning, and jet washing them with the doors open. Bravo. Oh, because the car cleaning's going slowly, Howard's dragging the shoe shiners away from where they're making money to help with the car cleaning. This is going to end well.
9.27 The girls are rubbish at cleaning cars too. So they have some kind of strategy meeting, where they decide that their approach is wrong, and they should do it "a bit like speed dating - three minutes per car." Okay. Meanwhile, the boys have a bit of a discussion about whose idea it was to clean cars inside and out. It's unanimously agreed that "it wasn't me, it was him". Margaret: "Never have so few cars been cleaned by so many people in so much time."
9.30 Twenty minutes to go, the girls are making a final push cleaning cars door-to-door. The boys don't seem to be. In fact, they've not done much beyond washing about seven cars between them. Mona declares that she's been a fantastic team leader. We'll see. The girls have taken more money I think, but with higher costs so it's hard to call.
9.33 In the boardroom now. Kate is the first to stick the knife into Mona's team leading skills. None of the boys much seems to like Howard. In fact it's all kicking off a bit.
9.35 Boys win! Just as I said - less turnover, but more profit. First treat of the series: a cocktail making (and tasting course). The inquest meeting gets a bit shouty and they're forming two gangs. In fact, it gets totally shouty while Lorraine looks miserable in a corner. The boys get to the luxury pad, and one of them describes it, apparently without irony as "So Feng Shui".
9.40 The girls are shaping up for a scrap in the boardroom. Deborah's clearly going to attack before she can be attacked. I don't think Kimberly's said anything since I declared here annoying.
9.42 Yup, Deborah's straight in there accusing Mona of not having a business plan. She makes a poor job of defending herself. She tries to shift the blame onto Anita, who isn't having any of it. Mona could be in trouble.
9.45 Ooh, Deborah's laughed. That wont make her any friends. Sir's obviously had some feedback about Anita, and is homing in on her a bit.
9.47 If the others just shut up, Anita could talk herself into getting fired. It looks like Deborah and Anita are being brought back. Deborah appears to be very confident, but may be too confident. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that Mona will go though.
9.50 Mona lays into Deborah, who sits there scarily unmoved. Deborah comes back and Mona's almost crying a bit now. Anita just looks like she wants to cry.
9.52 Nick pulls the fact that Deborah just ignored ten cars that need cleaning and she looks uncomfortable. Not to worry though, because Anita's decided to talk herself into trouble unprompted.
9.54 Omnes shout over each other.
9.55 It's Anita! For no particularly specific reason apparently, other than she's maybe a bit boring and wouldn't have been very good telly. Ah well, that's the way it goes.
9.57 Annoying Kimberly is pointing out that they took more, without realising that she's missed the point of the exercise. And Anita's decided that she got sacked because Sir doesn't like lawyers. Ooh, they're cooking next week!
And over to BBC2 for You're Fired it is...